The Virtuous Vituperator

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Good for the Goose

Isn't it funny how what is good for one isn't good for another?

Perhaps a person usually goes to an extreme while a friend stands by and watches and laughs and has some fun with it- but in the reverse, it's not quite as funny? Why is that okay? Why does friend B feel badly for behavior similar or less than the more extreme friend?

OR- a person is a thief or criminal. Steals, lies, cheats their way to the top, yet holds their peers, or staff to a far greater standard. Hypocritical at least.

OR- perhaps this person is a friendship vampire- sucking the life out of every friend they have but not really spending any time to listen or care for those who have cared for them?

Why is this okay? What makes some of us endure the way these people present themselves or behave? I've tried to rid myself of these sort of people in my life for quite some time now. Every now and again I find one still lingering about.

But then, when I really dig into it- do I do this to anyone else? Am I hurting another person in the same fashion I loathe in others? Those I am so desperately wanting to cleanse myself of- am I actually one of them?

Perhaps there are friends we all know we can lean on at times when we really need them. The trick is to know we give as much as we receive. Am I a taker? A listener? A receiver? A vampire of my friends energy?

To suck the life out of someone with constant needs, wants, bitchings, dramas and travails is to be the worst of friends. It's not a real friendship but rather a slow demise of a person's trust in another. Worse, cutting that person off is no simple task. The personal pain of the victim in this scenario is to cut off a person who does nothing but take- a person in perpetual need. To the blood-sucked, you become that person's personal hero. Whether the advice is good or bad- it does not matter.

They don't listen anyway.

But- somewhere inside you feel the pain of turning your back and ears away from someone who truly believes their woes are the worst, even when trivial.

At the same time- the freedom that follows is a HUGE breath of fresh air. The world has released you. Darkness becomes light. No longer fearing the ring of the phone. No longer dreading the standing lunch date. A person becomes free to allow a true and meaningful friendship to grow and be shared. It has to be a conscious decision to make this leap- but once done-

ohhhhhhhhhh the sense of openness.
I'm heard. I'm valued. I'm saved.

EVERYONE has a person like this- knowing who this person is- confronting them and, if necessary, being willing to let the friendship end is an inner strength builder.

Somehow, many of us are led to believe that all friendships must endure. They MUST go on forever. If not, we've somehow failed ourselves or the other person. Sometimes a friendship has run its course without being one-sided.

Knowing that it is time is a weird feeling. It's time, it just is. It's a relationship. It had value and love and positiveness and fights and sad times and more. When it ends, perhaps knowing it was good when it was, perhaps the future will rekindle it, perhaps not. It is OK to allow these relationships to end. It's natural. They don't all last a lifetime.

When lopsided, it's necessary. When not, it's okay. Where in the code of friendships is it dictated that we must endure all? Be there at all times regardless? Yes, I want to be a good friend- but there are some friendships that have run their course, prolonging them with dutiful and daily attention only drives a certainty that one cannot remain casually friends/acquaintances when the drifting apart naturally occurs. Or worse- when "the fight" happens and the ultimate ending occurs.

I feel stronger and definitely older and most assuredly wiser to come to this realization. I hope I don't hurt too many people along the way, it is not my intent.
When it's time, it is simply time.

Frankly- some are past their time.